I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
