I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
