i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
