I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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