Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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