she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
