I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
