I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
