he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize