You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize