Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize