He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
