how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
