Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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