I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
