can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
