I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
someone owes me an orgasm
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
