Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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