he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize