Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
