im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
