im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
