he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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