I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize