I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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