you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
