Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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