i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
