Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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