You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And my parents said I crawled through the house
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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