do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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