when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
we should paint friendship bongs
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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