Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
