ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
