If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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