he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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