i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
