I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
NoShamevember. You game?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
