Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
