I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
