Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
