my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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