Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
