My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He kissed a someone with a penis
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
