he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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