Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
