Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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