paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
