Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
