when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you never un-have a 4some
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Text me some of your sweat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
