Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
