Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if only i could text you this smell
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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