I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My vagina is officially offended.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
