a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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