Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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