I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
