Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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