Betty ford says i'm here all night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
