watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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