i need an iv and a liver transplant
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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