He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
40s are totally the cure
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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