dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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