Fuck appropriateness.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
