the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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