I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize