Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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