Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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