Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
