the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize