I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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