i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
